This blog post doesn't have any pictures, but........

So earlier this summer I promised to many of you that I would start (and maintain) a blog. The whole "maintain" part has slipped as of September, and I have more than 15 drafts sitting in my account. I have tried to write about everything from my last temporary position, to my new apartment, to another round of facing unemployment, recipes, and a sudden decision to head to New York - something that I will never forget, and although I love that city so much I have missed it each and every day since I got back....I still couldn't find the inspiration to write. I tried to find something that inspired me to share with you, yet every time I noticed that I kept focusing on what was happening to, well...me. Too selfish, kinda boring, and reading more like diary entries, I never finished any of those drafts.

So I guess I'll just jump to the point and let you know that all of this has culminated finally into what took six months to get: a job. A real, permanent, full-time job. I'm saying this now because I'm looking at those 15 drafts and I need a reason to get rid of them, and move on to writing about things that actually matter. This job involves editing, writing, formatting, and deadlines. It involves three windows that are taller than I am that look out towards downtown Portland, and a building that is on the Register of Historic Places. It involves a group of people that care about not owning a car and influencing others to consider the same. Sometimes I wear jeans to work, and I can sit cross-legged in my chair. I don't hear blackberry's going off every minute and so far I'm lucky enough to not sit in a two-hour meeting. There is even a compost bin.

To celebrate new beginnings and looking towards the future, I am currently eating my favorite meal that requires barely any preparation: an assortment of meats, cheeses, vegetables, bread, and wine. I am also going to delete all 15 posts that I couldn't find the inspiration to finish. Instead, I'm going to summarize my last 3 months of unemployment and frustration now - in serious hopes that tomorrow I may be able to blog about something you can actually relate to.

In October my temporary job had ended, and I had ended up going from preparing to move to San Francisco to take on a marketing job in a satellite office....back to searching for jobs in my current city. Feeling flat and defeated (again), I scrounged up the money I had made, the money I had saved, and the last spark of adventure I had gained while thinking about San Francisco and the possible idea of moving.....and charged all that energy into my first ticket to NYC. Fast forward about a month - and it's 5:30 AM at the PDX and I'm standing in the security line waiting to board my plane.
Sometimes people can write novels about New York. They even say a picture can be worth a thousand words. I have told my story about New York countless times and each time it never seems like I can hit it right. I remember everything, everything about New York. I remember how I felt when my plane touched the ground in JFK. I remember the sheer confusion when I took two subway lines into Manhattan. I remember feeling elated when I first popped up from underground and found myself on the Upper East Side. I remember my first meal there. I remember my first morning. I can even remember when I finally fell into the pace that New York sets and felt completely comfortable with that city. That was around the time when people started asking me for directions. I remember how it smelled. I can remember how it moved. I have a picture of Union Square on my desktop at work and to this day I can look below those trees and see the streets I took to get to Chelsea Market, SoHo, and the West Village. I can't really explain how much I miss New York, except that I'm pretty certain that I will go again this coming Spring.
Once back from New York, reality really kicked at me. I had three interviews, one of which kept interviewing me, the other hired someone internally, and the third one fell off the face of the planet. The first one though I was so close, but with the holidays approaching, they kept saying "January". Thanksgiving came and went, Christmas came even faster. This was the first year I couldn't afford gifts for anyone, (which by the way - if you want to know what depression feels like ...not being able to give during the holiday season is what depression feels like). New Years eve rolled around, and in a ridiculously sparkly dress and plastic champagne cup in my hand, I rang in 2010 and silently hoped for things to get better.

Present day: I'm gnawing on a piece of dry salami and washing it down with some leftover ginger ale from a bout of food-poisoning I just recovered from. The New Orleans Saints have won the 2010 Super Bowl. The sun is taking a little longer to set. That first place I interviewed at re-posted their job advertisement. A friend of mine just signed his first work contract and come tomorrow he too will say goodbye to six months of unemployment. I am relaxing after my third Monday of tackling proposals, editing resumes, and becoming familiar with a new company. The days of waking up at 10 AM and wondering what I am going to do feel so far away. The consistent, nagging, uneasy feeling of unemployment-related stress is an afterthought. Although instead of moving right along and falling into the bad-habits of blowing paychecks on dinners out and overpriced tank tops, I am writing to say how much value there was to not having work. There is value when you have only $812 in your checking account - and rent is $800 and there are two bills that are due. There is value when you drink your first microbrew after a month of choking back cheap beers. There is value when you have to remember to file for unemployment every single week. There is value to drinking tea at home with your best friend and sharing a pot of pasta and sobbing over the fact that you are scared of what the future might not give you.
In the last year I have been forced to act, think, and react differently. It was filled with unexpected surprises that were sometimes unwanted. It was scary, it was sweet, and most importantly it was very humbling.

I am about a month and 8 days late in saying this, but here is to hope in 2010. Timing is never really what we want it to be (for instance I got laid off right after my 25th birthday, and I got kicked out of my apartment exactly one week after I started my temporary position.) However, the year is still young enough where we can hope that things might change for the best. I hope that the economy keeps creeping up and that unused talent starts to find themselves homes. I also hope that during this lull that we seem to be in that the young, creative, and restless people keep innovating and changing the way we do things. I hope that we don't give up all of this energy and that we keep working towards something better.